How To Answer "Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat?"

A collection of brilliant and hilariously true essays that everyone interested in love, sex and marriage needs to read. A fearless intellect coupled with a compassionate spirit, Athol ruthlessly tosses out the politically correct bath water but keeps the babies safe. At times controversial, at times wickedly funny, but always a powerful voice for love, marriage and hope. Important stuff this book tells you that you simply have to know: The two types of men that women ping pong between. Page 9. How to answer “Do these pants make my ass look fat?” and get laid like tile. Page 11. Why the wedding vows aren’t the actual marriage agreement. Page 16. Seventeen ways women reveal they are attracted to you. Page 25. How to tell if a SAHM is going to be great, or spend half the day on Facebook. Page 27. How to beat approach anxiety. Page 31. What to do when your wife won’t have sex with you. Page 35. How to lead your wife so that she wants to follow you. Page 40. Why monogamy works best for most men. Page 50. How the wrong college degree can ruin your sex life. Page 59. How to spot when your wife is testing you. Page 69. What it means when your wife says she’s bored. Page 71. What she’s really saying when she says, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Page 76. Why you should never ask for marriage advice from your close friends. Page 79. How submission really works for women. Page 85. When you should rescue her and when you should let natural consequences just play out. Page 91. Why everyone gets the male mid-life crisis wrong and what is really happening. Page 92. What makes up the female mid-life crisis. Page 94. How to hit her sexual “Big Red Easy Button.” Page 106. What happens when you have sex at 87.3% of maximum roughness and why it drives her wild. Page 108. What you should never do if she asks you to move out. Page 110. The “Second Date Rule”. Page 116. Why her gaining fifteen pounds means she’s into you. Page 117. Why it’s not your job to cure their sexual dysfunction. Page 123. What the female arm slap means. Page 125. Learn what acts like Kryptonite to women. Page 131. Why being an asshole secretly pleases women. Page 137. Why being a White Knight is a bad idea, and being a Horny Knight is a great one. Page 150. Why catering to women makes them like you less. Page 152. How to get her to try something kinky. Page 154. Why SAHM’s need to be SAHM’s “Plus Something.” Page 160. How helping a friend out can accidentally make your wife attracted to him. Page 169. What to say after she cooks dinner that will make her melt. Page 172. How to tell the difference between your marriage sucking, and your life sucking. Page 176. How a hot bedroom fantasy can turn into your wife cheating on you and refusing to stop. Page 178. How polyamory and swinging really works. Page 180. Why being playfully mean to girls turns them on. Page 182. How female logic works when it comes to men. Page 196. What to do if she offers you sex, but says she doesn’t want an orgasm. Page 197. The best revenge possible to take against a cheating girlfriend. Page 201. How to handle a drama queen. Page 204. Why women should have long hair and ignore their friends telling them to go short. Page 208. The #1 thing men crave women to do in the bedroom (It’s not a blowjob!) Page 213. What to do when your friend starts trying to steal your girl. Page 217. Learn just how many women fantasize about being used for sex. Page 224. Assuming she’s into it, why you should only spank your wife when she’s being good. Page 228. How to fall out of love as quickly as possible. Page 234. Why a wife going on a Girl’s Night Out drives her husband batshit crazy. Page 240. The only way to build self-esteem that works. Page 244. Why the main complaint about monogamy is that it works. Page 254. How to know if she is worth marrying. Page 264. What people really mean when they tell you to “Just be yourself.” Page 267.