You'll be sorry when I'm dead

Product Description

He was wearing a pair of leather pants that clung like terrified orphans to his muscular thighs, and a revealing black mesh t-shirt. The outfit seemed at odds with the cream-coloured settee and floral print curtains. From stalking and eventually meeting her Young Talent Time idol when she was twelve, to a particularly abhorrent encounter at a high-quality swingers night, and a mildly perverse obsession with Bob Ellis, there is nothing Marieke Hardy won't write about. Welcome to a chronicle of broken hearts, fervid pursuits, passionate friendships, deranged letter-writing, the allure of the bottle, the singular charms of musicians, the lost song of youth, and three very awkward evenings with varying prostitutes-exactly zero percent of which the author's parents will want to read. Add to that a slightly misguided attempt to give real-life friends and ex-lovers a "right of reply" to the stories they appear in and it's fair to say an extended stint in the Witness Protection Program beckons. Confessional, voyeuristic, painful, hilarious, and heartfelt, You'll Be Sorry When I'm Dead reveals the acerbic wit, unflinching gaze, and razor-sharp insight of a writer at the height of her powers - or the unhinged fantasies of a dangerous mind with not enough to do.

About the Author

Marieke Hardy is a screenwriter, blogger, and radio broadcaster. After many years writing a humorous television column in "The Age," she moved on to regular political columns for ABC's "The Drum" and senior contributing work for "Frankie" magazine. She has been screenwriting Australian television drama for over fifteen years. Her six-part black comedy series, "Laid," premiered in Australia in 2011. In the guise of literary reviewer she makes Jennifer Byrne's life an unbridled misery once a month on ABC "TV's First Tuesday Book Club."

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

You'll Be Sorry When I'm Dead
By Marieke Hardy Allen & UnwinCopyright © 2011 Marieke Hardy
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-74237-726-1


Contents
A foreword by my father,
You can lead a horticulture,
The write stuff,
Forevz,
Maroon and blue,
Pour l'album,
The business,
A gentleman guest,
Swing, swang, swung,
YTT,
Down the hatch,
The Bubble,
Born this way,
Man bites dog,
An afterword by my ex-boyfriend Tim,
Acknowledgements,

CHAPTER 1
You can lead a horticulture
At the age of eleven I decided with no small sense of certainty that when I grew up I wanted to become a prostitute. I was so convinced by this as a path of righteousness I felt comfortable enough announcing my intentions to not only my close circle of girlfriends, but also the elderly Vietnamese couple who ran the local milk bar. I can't recall their exact reaction at the time, but they were usually very supportive of my scamp-like antics and, besides, their English wasn't the best so they very likely nodded and smiled and gave me a free Wizz Fizz, which seemed to be their go-to response with the more wayward neighbourhood children.
For some reason my parents weren't as excited about the idea. Attempts were made to talk me around, but I was a child of strong will.
'Mum ... Dad ... I appreciate your concerns,' I told them one night over a traditional Friday fish-finger dinner, 'but this is just how it is. Being a prostitute is my dream. I wish you'd understand that and show some support.'
Musical theatre is entirely to blame for this sudden and arresting career decision. Musical theatre, combined with those first illicit throes of nocturnal explorations beneath an embroidered doona; awkward, arching contortions in flannelette pyjama pants. I dreamt of A-ha's Morten Harket and his 'confusing' leather bracelets, possibly setting the scene for a future interest in BDSM.
The sum of masturbation and musical theatre was almost crippling in my case — it seemed I leapt overnight from cheerily faking Xavier Roberts' autograph on the buttocks of cut-price Cabbage Patch Kids to plotting an illustrious car